Regret is the word, i kept out of my heart's door step.

Then, i said that regret is not the word i would use.
Then, he told me too at Carrefour, Regret should not be action in future.

How did you spent your youth ? Was it fruitful ?
Took a wrong step, wasted few years. Fruitful, yes, gain a lot of negative experience.

Education ?
O level only, no degree. 

Tattoo, convicted ?
Yes lots of them, 2 years rehab programme.

Handsome ?
Not to me and others

Reply to interview, 
                              You are not successful, no degree no shit. Pictures all around you, no one will accept this fact in this society.

You won't make a good nephew. 

Throughout the night, neither did i spoke much nor did i move much. Just trying hard to be oblivious. Proud is not the word seen on their look, nobody is what their judgement of what it is.
Is mother of mine dead, or just not successful enough to be mentioned, or rather the son of her brought her shame. This horrid night brings terrible experience. Blame no one for that night, for the author chooses its pages. Blame Brenden.

Recoup ?




This is my place

Here is where i sang my sorrow, i appreciate my Joy.

Here is where i sang the sorrow of a man, i praise the joyness of having happiness.

Here is also where i constantly question myself, that is always bothering me.  

At this point

At this point, i shall embrace some of my future.
Do not know whether this is the right move but i know this is what i wanna do.
To be a firefighter

(no subject)

I was walking down this street and stumbled upon this couple.
Instead of walking past them, i tagged along behind.
Slowly i realized i was moving beside them but not away from them.

Tomorrow will be the same thing.

Next week, i will be walking behind another couple.
And again the same, i will walk behind them.
Gradually beside them and not away from them.

I do not wish so to carry on anymore, i wishes for so

The tune will be constantly playing over again, till a new song piece comes in.
Only doubt, when ?

Endurance, Perseverance.

At field camp, the well known event of torture.
Where every single mistake of either yours or your irresponsible mates,
can cost you a very hard time.
Where you are put into a state of unwillingness so overwhelming, Your state of mind is in a mess.

ENDURE, this word plays a very big role in overcoming this obstacle.

I did not want to be there.
I did not accepted the fact i have to be there.
I just went unwillingly.

But through the hard journey, i picked up pieces of shattered glass, that teaches valuable lesson.
I saw tears rolled down those cheeks of others, i heard whining so drastic, even some mention suicide.

I heard snoring so unique, such as; the ghost snore, the cant-breathe snore, the 3-tonner snore.

I felt the harshness of the jungle, the unfriendliness of those insect, the treatment of bad weather.

Worst of all, the constant change of emotion that cause a wave so strong, the impact on my heart-shore was heavy.

I wanted to give up on day 1.
I felt suicidal, i hated myself, i hated being there.
Others were pulling me down, no matter how much i exhausted my muscles to push them upwards.

I managed to pulled myself together on day 2, but those who were falling out did affected my perseverance.
I dragged myself to the medic tent to report a fever:38.2 degree c.
No, i wont give up, i iced my body to lower my temperature, and i made my way back to the lesson.

Day 3 came, i Endure 2 whole day, and giving up was not an option. I ran like madness, so as to not let my clear mind give up.

Day 4, had a little visit by Centipede, and it left me 2 bites, in the middle of the night when i was resting.
I went to the medic, if it become worse, i had to fall out. God blessed me, i managed to ditch off that poisonous effect.
I recovered not fully though.

Day 5, it was almost over, i knew it.
I gathered all my energy and gave a last burst of power. I made it through, and achieved the fastest in that last lesson.

Through this 5 days, i learned a lot. A lot lesson from myself and those beside me.
The ultimate test of these 5 shag days are the Life Exam of Perseverance and Endurance.

At all times, i kept something in my heart to pulled me through this 5 long days.
Those words of wisdom from my brother. It really did helped.

Life, i admit that i am no winner, i am no man of strong values, i am no man of strong character.
But now watch out as i move towards my goals, i am now a man of better (all of the above).
And for humble sake, i will continue to improve myself.





Recruit Y Q Chan


Early in the morning march, with my field bag on my bag, with an aching in my heart.

Training to be soldier, fight for our land.

Stand up, fight for our land.

Here we go again, doing this same old shit again.

Tomorrow's monday. Book in day

I see a clear sky, with bright shiny sun everyday


I witnessed the moon giving way to the sun everyday.
The bright daily sun marks the start of a sweaty day.

My days in BMTC.
Grouped in a platoon, placed with not the best but rather the need to improve most.
I give the best in all i do.
March my way with pride.
Run with determination.

And i still know i can do much better.
I will be a better recruit.
I desire for that stand, placed, standing still, receiving z badge with honour.
I look towaards that sunset on my PoParade